I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
