Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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