if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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