you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
