If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
