This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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