sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I understand Curling. That high.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize