You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize