Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
