just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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