you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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