So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
