Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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