but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
