just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
