Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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