I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
