i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
