I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
