I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize