how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
