Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
