I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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