He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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