Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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