oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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