so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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