the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
