apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we made out on top of his cat.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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