Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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