I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I need a hoe opinion
go on
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
