...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize