You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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