Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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