Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
