She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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