There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
