Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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