A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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