playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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