D3 body, D1 cock
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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