i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
