they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
