Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
