Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
