i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
