I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
