You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
