garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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