Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
