I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
