I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
