I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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