Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
