There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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