So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
