my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
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