I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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