Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
