My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
