my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
