I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Pants are for mortals
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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