Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
