This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
