I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
