whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
