I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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