My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
