I can tuck mytits in my pants
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
